John decided to be a little shit and didn’t want to help decorate the tree tonight. Why? Because I kept making fun of it and calling it a pink nightmare. Therefore if I decorated it all and still hated it, it was my fault so he said. Well this was his reasoning after two drinks, so I showed him. I went and decorated the whole damn tree (after he went to bed, I bet he didn’t think I’d actually finish it!) Not only that, I did not include the peekaboo penis beads*. In fact I put them in a bag and then hid the peekaboo penis beads* in the basement! There will be no peekaboo penis beads* on the tree this year as far as I’m concerned! I decorated the whole pink nightmare, and here are the resulting photos. Notice Baby Jesus perched on top of the tree!

* Peekaboo Penis Beads is the nickname I gave to the 8 million strands of Mardi Gras beads John puts on the tree each year. They are beads he gathered in New Orleans from showing his dirty bits to filthy dirty people during Mardi Gras one year before we met. They are dirty and make Baby Jesus cry! Hense the name peekaboo penis beads.

PS The guns in the corner also make Baby Jesus cry, and will be removed. One is a revolutionary war antique. The other is a shotgun John’s republican brother brought into the house and makes me and baby Jesus vomit. I will remove it tomorrow . . .